My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
