I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
