my phone needs a breathalizer
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
