I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
organizing the empties. That sober.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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