Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
