i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
