You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
