Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
