I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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