so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
