My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
