he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
