all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
