Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
