He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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