Someone shit on the floor
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
