Got a toothbrush?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
