He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
