This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
