? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
