Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
