9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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