Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
