can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
