Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I CAN MOONWALK!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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