I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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