nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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