just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
