It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
