Sorry, I don't speak sober.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
