The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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