i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
