if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
