her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
