so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
