Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
