Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You work out of a Hotel?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
