I'm going to jail i love you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
