remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
