My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
