I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
