she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
