Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
