I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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