he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
