spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I deserve this hangover.
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