So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
