I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
