hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
