Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
