I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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