Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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